NSFW: Sexist Microaggresions in a “Progressive” Company

"Does anyone have any questions before we wrap up the meeting?"

The CEO lobbed the question to the team where it hovered in the air, untouched, for a long 10 seconds. Finally, one person piped up. Her voice was smooth with apologetic understanding as she brought up a tender subject: the company's dress code.

"I wondered if we could do anything to update the company's dress code? If you watch the HR video, about 75% of it is directed at women's attire. Seems like we are putting the onus entirely on women for the team's (she meant "men's") perception and productivity."

Through my screen, I could see the CEO staring her down, waiting for her to stop speaking.

Disappointingly but not surprisingly, he shot back a terse, "Yeah, I actually think we've got a pretty relaxed dress code policy. Any other questions?"

I wish I came off mute. I wish I would have pointed out right then and there that he just dismissed a woman's experience because it wasn't his own. I wish I would have summoned some courage to say, "hey, we're a company that champions DEI. Let's update this policy to reflect that and show the women in this office that they're respected."

But I didn't. I sat there in horror as the CEO slapped back an opportunity to make his company safer and more inviting for the women who work for him.

I chickened out. I want to say I'm sorry for not speaking out and having your back, whoever you were. You were braver than me.

The reason I opened this article with "NSFW" is because I can see a certain type of leader reading this and getting very offended. Calling out companies for the bad stuff could close some doors for me. But you know what? That's okay. If I lose opportunities because they think "how dare she write this," we wouldn't have gotten along anyway.

It doesn't have to be Women's History month to do something about this. I call on all leadership teams in every office in the U.S. to think about how you're supporting your team. Ask hard questions about equity, inclusion, and representation. Do your values actually play out in day-to-day culture? Are protective and supportive policies codified so they protect your team?

Women's appearance, whether or not she wears makeup, heels, or a certain hairstyle has nothing to do with our professionalism or work. Did you know that it doesn't affect your conversion rate when your performance manager wears tennis shoes and a graphic tee?

Situations just like this happen every day in the workplace. We can start to be better co-workers and leaders when we've got each others' backs, even when their experiences are nothing like our own. Even when we personally don't understand, we can listen, learn, and support them anyway.

Let's lift sexist dress code policies. Let's start with that. Let's be open to change and growth. And let's be okay with being wrong sometimes when it means admitting it improves your own corner of the world for the better.

How Can I Support Copy House Urchin and its mission to support fu$$y feminists feel safe in their workplaces? Support DEI at your workplace, validate others’ lived experiences, sign petitions, vote, and document everything in case you need it to reference later.